Non/violent communication
People love to give tips. And that’s actually great… if you wouldn’t feel pressured to follow them! This unit is about understanding how violent and non-violent communication work. Take this unit and you will discover key strategies to avoid fights and frustration and increase well-being in your relationship with others!
Warm up
Read this tiny tale from Aesop and then discuss it with your buddy:
- Who do you agree/disagree with?
- Why did the father and the son always do what they were told to?
- What would you suggest to them?
Learn
The protagonists of this story have been addressed with sentences full of judgement which put pressure on them:
- You are two fools!
- Lazy boy!
- Cruel father!
- What a shame!
How could they have said their opinion without being so violent? Watch this video and/or look at the presentation to find that out!
Dive in 1
And now try to transform the 4 judgy sentences in the tiny tale into non-violent ones.
- “You are two fools! Someone should ride!”
- “Lazy boy! Why must your father walk?”
- “Cruel father, making your son walk!”
- “What a shame! Poor donkey, carrying two riders!”
You can use the four steps (observation, feelings, needs and request) or find your way to convey the same message in a friendly, non-violent way.
Do 1 and 2 together, 3 and 4 alone. At the end, tell your version of 3 and 4 to each other: how does it feel?
Tipp: Get inspiration here: A list of feelings and needs for your inspiration!
Dive in 2
When we are sad, angry, frustrated… we tend to start sentences e.g. with “You did… “, “You are… “ or “You always / never…” or with “It is…”
Let’s try to transform them into I-sentences, e.g. “I think… “, “I feel… “, “I see… “
“It is very ugly! “ -> “I don’t like it.”
"You're late again!" -> "I've been waiting here for half an hour. I don't feel respected when I have to wait for so long. Maybe next time you can give me a ring when you leave? "
Think of unfriendly, accusatory sentences that someone has told you in the past or you have told someone. Write them down and then try to develop together with your buddy positive I-messages.
Create
Did it ever happen to you that you did something because you felt pressured by someone?
Share your stories and get inspired to create your tiny tale in two version:
One describes a situation in which the protagonist feels pressured to do something, the other one instead in which it is easier for the protagonist to come up with their own choice (which can be in line with the suggestion received or not).
Tip: you can follow the structure of the tiny tale on the father, the son and the donkey.
Write down the twin-stories, and if you want, make a comic strip out of them, a video, an audio-recording…
No matter which format you choose, don’t forget to have it uploaded in the work.it area.
Reflect
Reflect on the stories you read and shared:
1) What is good or bad when people give you their opinions?
2) What are typical feelings if you decide to accept or reject them?
3) Do you always have a choice among all the different opinions or suggestions offered to you?
Make a postcard with your most important take-aways!
Download the free KIDS4ALLL app and your wish comes true!
